


What A Piece Of Work Is Man

by heyjupiter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Minor Bruce Banner/Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Polyamory, Science Boyfriends, Science Bros, Science Bros Week 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 09:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15409911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heyjupiter/pseuds/heyjupiter
Summary: Pepper thinks Tony should take a slightly more active role in his philanthropy, Bruce thinks Shakespeare is a genius and arts programs are underfunded, and Tony thinks Prince Hamlet thinks too much. At least a night at the theater is a nice excuse to see Bruce in a tux.





	What A Piece Of Work Is Man

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Science Bros Week 2018, prompt #1: Genius.
> 
> The title is from, uh, _Hamlet_ by William Shakespeare, but also I’m sorry if I just gave you [a _Hair_ earworm](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fstxNFdQWZQ).

“Okay, boys, let’s kill two birds with one stone,” Pepper said, striding into the lab with a clear sense of purpose in her eyes and a manila folder in her hand. 

“Whoa, Pep, you know Bruce doesn’t like that kind of talk,” Tony replied. Pepper’s determined expression put him slightly on edge.

Bruce looked up from his screen and said, “I’m just vegetarian, I’m not incapable of understanding metaphor.”

Tony huffed. “Forgive me for trying to look out for you.”

“What’s up, Pepper?” Bruce asked.

“First of all, when was the last time either of you went outside? Like, not in the hallway, but all the way outside, feet on the ground outside?”

“Um…” Bruce said.

“Was it when you guys went with the team to check out that rogue Inhuman?”

“That sounds right,” Bruce said quickly. Tony winced; he was sure Bruce had just fallen into one of Pepper’s traps. The problem was, Tony wasn’t sure what Pepper was after, and he also didn’t think he could refute Bruce. They’d been deeply involved in a project to develop a new ultralight polymer, and Tony knew they were close to perfecting it. Then they could take a break. Well--then they could produce it, and then they could use it to make an improved suit, and _then_ they could take a break. 

“That was almost a month ago!” Pepper said, her tone somehow both concerned and smug. “You have to get out of here. You’ll get rickets.”

“We've been eating gummy vitamins, we're fine,” Bruce protested.

“Those were vitamins? I thought they were just shitty candy.”

“Whatever, you still need sunshine! Fresh air!”

“Okay, fine, we’ll open a window,” Tony said.

“That’s a great start, but also…” Pepper said, waving her folder. “You, Mr. Billionaire Philanthropist, have been invited to quite a number of charity benefits. You should go to some of them.”

“I do! We just went to the, uh, that MIT one.”

“That was six months ago.”

Tony tried not to blink at at that. Had it really been six months? That was before the Chitauri attack, before he'd met Bruce, before...everything. “Okay, whatever, I always donate, if it’s a good cause.”

“I know you do. But your presence at these events can help raise a cause’s profile. And it would get you out of the house. Two birds!”

Tony crossed his arms.

“Let’s each pick one event to go to, okay? Three total? And we’ll send regrets to the others.”

“Fine,” Tony moaned. It was actually fewer than he’d feared. “Give me the folder.” He reached in and picked one at random. “Lambda Legal’s black tie gala. That’ll do.”

“Great.” Pepper took the invite and set it aside. “I’ll have your new assistant handle it.”

“Did you already pick a thing?” Tony asked.

“Yes, we’re going to the Dress for Success silent auction."

"Dress for Success? Is that what it sounds like? Because I already dress for the job I want, which is the job I have."

"It's an organization that helps homeless and low income women get professional wardrobes so they can find jobs. You can't wear jeans and an old concert T-shirt to work unless you're already a billionaire."

"Alright, alright, jeez."

Pepper approached Bruce with the folder. “Bruce? Where do you want to go?”

“Oh, uh, me?”

“Yes, I said the three of us.”

“But…”

“ _But_ , you need to get out of the house, and we like spending time together, and you care about good causes, so this is a great idea, you’re right.”

Bruce sighed and opened the folder, studying each invite.

“Bruce, just pick one, they’re all the same,” Tony said. 

“No, they’re not,” Pepper and Bruce said in unison.

Pepper smiled. “Take your time, Bruce.” She sat down beside him and started scrolling through her phone.

Tony resisted the urge to shake his head. Bruce could be incredibly indecisive, always overthinking every possible choice. Tony had never had that problem. 

“Seriously, Bruce, any of them are fine. There’s no wrong choice,” Tony said, attempting to reassure his anxious partner.

“I know. I just want to find the most interesting one.”

Tony bit back a sarcastic comment. Bruce wasn’t yet jaded to the world of high roller fundraising, and he was carefully reading each invitation as if one of them might contain the secrets of the universe instead of a demand for black tie attire and a very high per-plate donation. He watched as Bruce occasionally tapped on his tablet and hummed with interest, clearly researching some of the charities as he sorted through their events. Tony felt his annoyance slide away, replaced by affection.

While Bruce was distracted, Tony took the opportunity to look over Bruce’s workstation. He raised his eyebrows at what he saw--since the last time he'd checked in, Bruce had made even more progress Tony had anticipated. They’d be ready to make the next Mark faster than Tony had predicted. Tony was so thankful he’d convinced this precious nerd to stick around and share a life with him and Pepper. He really couldn’t remember what they’d done without Bruce.

“Okay, here’s my pick,” Bruce finally announced. He held a glossy card out to Pepper, but Tony snatched it away first. 

“Rehabilitation Through the Arts? Huh, not what I would have--wait, this one isn’t a dinner, it’s a production of _Hamlet_.”

“I know, I picked it.”

“But...why?” Tony asked, aghast. "You know you're not allowed to look at your phone during a play?" He didn't love the usual galas, but at least with those you could walk around, have a drink...leave early if it got too boring...and he knew that all of those things were severely frowned upon at the theater.

“Shakespeare’s a genius,” Bruce said. 

“Sure, maybe he _was_ a genius, but we have TV now.”

Shoulders slumped, Bruce said, “Let me see the folder again. I can pick something else.”

“Nope,” Pepper said firmly. She cut her eyes at Tony before looking back to Bruce. “This one is your choice, not Tony’s. God knows a little exposure to culture won’t hurt Tony.”

Tony crossed his arms. “Just what are you saying? I eat plenty of yogurt.”

“A of all, I know that was a joke, but no you don't. And B of all, a night at the theater could...give you a fresh perspective, even if it doesn't sound like your idea of fun. I think it'll be a nice evening.”

“What even is the Rehabilitation Through the Arts?” Tony asked. “I don’t remember them.”

“I’m not sure we’ve actually donated to them before.”

Bruce said, “They, um, teach arts workshops to prison inmates. It seems like a really underfunded organization. This performance is part of their Re-Entry Project--the actors are all recently released from prison.”

“Wait. It’s not--we’re going to have to sit through _amateur_ actors doing Shakespeare?”

“I just think everyone deserves a second chance,” Bruce said softly. 

“Fuck!” Tony yelped. 

Bruce looked at him with wide eyes. Tony could tell that Bruce was trying to decide if he should apologize for something. Tony sighed and clarified, “Sorry, I’m just mad that I can’t be mad about this anymore, ‘cause that’s actually really sweet.”

Bruce smiled tentatively. "Also, uh, their programs are shown to really reduce recidivism. So if you think about it, it's really saving future work from the, uh, Avengers."

Tony said, “Look, I’m sorry...but could you make sure to remind me about all this when the curtain goes up, okay? I will...probably need reminding.”

* * *

Tony definitely needed to be reminded of why he'd agreed to go to a benefit Shakespeare production. He was in an awful mood: Pepper had said the three of them would go to all of the charity events she'd insisted upon, but then she'd backed out of this one when she realized it conflicted with Sheryl Sandberg's corporate retreat for women CEOs. Tony tended to sleep badly whenever he was apart from Pepper, and last night had been no exception. He was exhausted, and he was sure Bruce was too, since Bruce had been up half the night attempting to distract Tony. In fact...maybe Bruce would be so tired that he wouldn't want to go anymore.

That slim hope was dashed when Bruce appeared in the doorway of Tony's bedroom, half-dressed in a tuxedo and looking adorably sheepish. "Hey, Tony."

Tony, who was still in jeans and a T-shirt, said, "I guess it's time to get ready for this thing, huh?"

"Oh, I'm sure it'll take you less time to get ready. I, uh, wondered if you could help me? I've, uh, never worn one of these before," Bruce said, gesturing vaguely at himself, "But I know you have." 

Tony felt his eyebrows raise. "What, a tux? You've never worn a tux before? Not even--" and then his brain caught up with his mouth and he thought about what he knew about Bruce's past, and stopped himself from saying something stupid like "for prom" or "to a friend's wedding." Bruce hadn't even gone in person to have this one fitted, JARVIS had just sent out for it based on Bruce's measurements. 

Tony coughed. "Uh, yeah, of course I'll help. It'll be your first of many times--if Pepper has her way, you've got at least a couple more reasons to wear this coming up."

Tony quickly adjusted Bruce's shirt and tied his bow tie. Then he smiled, because Bruce just looked so cute all dressed up.

Bruce winced. "Does it look dumb?"

"Bruce! How dare you." Tony leaned in for a quick kiss. "You could never look dumb, even if you tried. But in this you look...the complete opposite of dumb. I promise."

"If you say so."

"I _do_ say so. And I myself happen to be the opposite of dumb, so you should definitely listen to me." 

Bruce shook his head, but there was a hint of a smile on his lips. Tony quickly dressed himself--Bruce was right, Tony did have a lot of experience putting on tuxedos--and came back to put an arm around Bruce's shoulders.

"You ready?" Tony asked.

"Yeah, I guess."

"It's going to be a piece of cake. This organization is on the smaller side, so there's not going to be a big red carpet or anything."

"Red carpet?" Bruce asked. He paled slightly, and Tony reminded himself that this was Bruce's first black tie rodeo.

"Bruce, my treasure, I mean no offense whatsoever when I tell you that the photographers will not be interested in you."

"No, yeah, that makes sense." Bruce didn't seem as relieved as Tony had hoped.

"I'm sure there's a side entrance you can use, if you want?" Tony tried to keep his tone neutral as he offered. Though Tony was used to press attention, he really wasn't feeling his best today, and he didn't love the idea of walking in alone. He silently cursed Sheryl Sandberg for taking Pepper away from them.

Bruce considered that offer. Then he leaned in to Tony slightly and said, "No, that's okay. As long as we're together."

Standing side by side meant that the angle was awkward, but Tony grinned and kissed Bruce's cheek. Tony had been with a lot of people, but there was just something about Bruce that made Tony feel like a teenager again, getting butterflies in his stomach from cheek kisses and hand holding. Maybe it was the sense that this all seemed pretty new to Bruce--it let Tony experience things through his eyes. 

Whatever the reason for his giddy feeling was, it was enough to get Tony out the door, even though he knew amateur Shakespeare was waiting for them. As he'd anticipated, there wasn't a literal red carpet. But there had been a press release announcing Tony's intent to attend the benefit, and so there were a handful of reporters and photographers waiting for him. Tony managed to pose for pictures and borrow Bruce's line, telling everyone that he was happy to support the good work of Rehabilitation Through the Arts because he believed that everyone deserved a second chance. He was pretty sure he'd managed to disguise all of his doubt about the actual quality event. Everyone ignored Bruce, who wasn't actually famous in his non-green form. That was for the best, since even Tony had to admit that his deer-in-headlights expression wasn't terribly photogenic. 

Once they made it inside the theater, they were escorted to a private box. Tony had expected that Bruce would relax once they were away from the crowd, but Bruce was still giving off some very nervous energy.

Tony squeezed Bruce's knee and said, "Hey, thanks for coming in with me. I know it wasn't your fave, but it was nice not to have to do it by myself."

"I'm just sorry Pepper couldn't make it. I know you didn't even want to come to this, and she'd be a much better for that kind of thing than me."

"Hey, what? Did you think I was being sarcastic just now? I mean, I know statistically, it's a good bet to assume I am, but...there's nobody I'd rather get a forced dose of culture with than you. Seriously. And you were right, it _is_ a good cause."

"Oh," Bruce said. It wasn't much, but Tony sensed him relax. Tony sometimes forgot that Bruce wasn't as accustomed to Tony's hyberverbal nature as Pepper was. Pepper understood that most of the stuff Tony said was just random junk skimmed off the top of Tony's brain and ignored it accordingly. Bruce took it all seriously, or at least, too much of it.

"I'm...sorry if you took my whining about this personally...sometimes I just can't shut myself up."

"Only sometimes?" Bruce asked. 

Tony smiled; if Bruce was giving him shit, he must be feeling better about the situation.

"Let's take a selfie and send it to Pepper," Tony suggested. "I'm sure she'll want evidence that we actually left the tower. And she can see what she's missing out on."

"Okay," Bruce agreed.

Tony put one arm around Bruce and stuck his phone out with the other arm. "Say, 'To cheese or not to cheese.'"

Bruce didn't say it, but he did laugh at the dumb joke. Studying the photo, Tony was surprised to see how happy they both looked. Maybe Pepper was right--they should get out more. They also both looked excellent in their tuxes, if Tony did say so himself. He sent the photo to Pepper and quickly got a selfie back; she looked relaxed and was raising a glass of rosé to them. 

Tony snorted and showed Bruce. "Some corporate retreat, huh?"

"I'm glad Pepper's taking some time for herself," Bruce said mildly.

Tony reached out and took Bruce's hand, twining their fingers together. "You're so good, Bruce."

"Oh, I'm--" Bruce started to say, when he was cut off by an announcement reminding them to turn off their cell phones. Tony quickly checked that his was on vibrate, and then the lights went down. Tony sighed and leaned against Bruce. Maybe now he could drift off and take a quick nap. He'd already given money and made his public appearance; no one could fault him for missing the actual show, could they?

Then, something completely unexpected happened: the play was compelling as _hell_. Not only did Tony not fall asleep--he laughed at the jokes, he gasped at the betrayals, and just felt all-around a thousand percent more invested in _Hamlet_ than he'd ever imagined was possible. Those ex-cons were really selling the drama.

At intermission, he turned to Bruce and said, "Hamlet's kind of a little shit, right?"

Bruce laughed. "Yeah, but you have to root for him anyway. He’s trying his best….”

Tony smiled and squeezed Bruce’s hand. If Bruce could root for Hamlet, with his paranoia and terrible leadership skills and rambling monologues, then he could definitely put up with Tony. Of course, indecisive, melancholy Bruce wasn't entirely unlike Hamlet himself. Who knew this 400-year-old play would be so relatable?

Then Tony checked his phone and found a single text from Pepper, reminding him not to check his phone during the play. He wrote back, _It's intermission and I haven't died of boredom yet!_ and put his phone away before the lights went back down.

It was probably just the sleep deprivation, but Tony found himself actually moved to quiet tears by the death of the stupid Danish prince. Bruce said nothing, but he gently stroked Tony’s hand with his thumb. 

When the actors lined up for their curtain call, Tony rose to his feet with the rest of the audience. 

Knowing that his words didn’t quite do justice to what they’d just witnessed, Tony said, “That was so good.”

Bruce grinned. “Yeah, I told you--Shakespeare’s a genius.”

**Author's Note:**

> PS, [Lambda Legal](https://www.lambdalegal.org/), [Dress for Success](https://dressforsuccess.org/about-us/), and [Rehabilitation Through the Arts](https://www.rta-arts.org/) are all real, just in case you happen to be a billionaire genius looking for philanthropic endeavors.


End file.
